The Vault – TrueBlood-Online.com

Now is exactly the right time to spoof vampires, because they are everywhere. They are in our books, our movie adaptations of books, even our TV show adaptations of books, like True Blood. This show is kind of fun to watch for a bit, but we’d much rather they had spoofed True Blood instead of relying mainly on Twilight.

As you might have guessed from its title, Intercourse With A Vampire is a spoof. The comedy is about a lascivious, rather unconvincingly seductive Dracula-type named Vampire Larry who lives with his high school sweetheart. The idea being “what if Robert Pattinson’s Twilight character Edward got older, kept his girlfriend, but was a creep.” Using that premise, Vampire picks up where creator and star Jacob Fleisher’s comedy short Twilight – 5 Years Later left off.

In terms of performance, Fleisher has the tendency to go broad with his comedy. That’s putting it politely. In the first scene of the first episode he slimes his way into bed with his girlfriend Tracy (Kristen Carney), and as they have sex his face contorts wildly, as if a GIF Party of Jim Carrey’s face from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

This is the type of show that reads well on page, but not quite as much on screen. Some of the punch lines do work, on a Zucker brothers level, as with the third episode when Tracy lays eyes on Vampire Larry for the first time in high school. He glides down the hallway, his hair blowing in the wind. Then a smash cut to reveal Larry being pulled along on a skateboard while a woman holds a fan up to his face.

The show naturally references aspects of the current pop culture mythology of vampires, like their supernatural ability to “glamour” someone, recognizable to you True Blood fans. If this reaches into a second season they may even land a few gag references of Let the Right One In.

If someone out there really wants to make a funny comedy based on Twilight then just adapt the fourth novel “Breaking Dawn.“ You know, the one where Edward has sex with Bella until she is rendered unconscious, then knocks her up, then the baby develops telepathy in the womb, then Edward performs a C-section with his fangs (HIS FANGS), and then Jacob, the werewolf, falls in love with Bella’s infant daughter. Take that vampire intercourse.

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DC Direct was in full effect at Toy Fair showing their 2010 lineup with Blackest Night action figures, Jonah Hex statuettes, and the gee-whiz True Blood bar signs. Yes, now you can turn your rumpus room into your own personal Fangtasia.

Below is the the True Blood bar sign and three busts of Eric, Sookie and Bill. DC Direct will also release a Merlotte’s sign in July 2010 and a Fangtasia sign that will be available through HBO.

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The Vault wishes HAPPY NEW YEAR
to the True Blood cast and crew and all the True Blood fans!

Shad and Lynn

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HBO launched its own iPhone app yesterday, with detailed program guides, scheduling, and social sharing features for some of its most popular shows.

The app has plenty of interactive features, including detailed information HBO shows including True Blood show descriptions, episode guides, cast and character profiles, photos, and video clips from each of the programs, as well as trailers for featured movies that are available on the network.

The app also provides a schedule of upcoming movies and TV shows, as well as the ability to surf through on-demand titles that are available through the cable net’s VOD service. Users can send SMS message alerts to themselves to be notified when certain shows or movies are on, and they can also share information for shows they plan to watch with friends by email or through social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter.

All in all, the HBO iPhone app has all the standard features one might want, but where it really excels is in the execution. Menus are easy to navigate, the quality of available video clips available is high, and social sharing features are easy to implement. But the best part? The app, which was designed by Canadian firm Atimi Software, is available for free from the Apple app store.

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Celebrate the 12 days of True Blood Christmas!

Send your Twitter friends a virtual True Blood gift. Each present has a gift inside. Click to find out whats inside. Enter the username of who you’d like the gift sent to and your username and password. Send as many gifts as you like. Have a Bloody Christmas and a Fangy Holiday!

Go here to send your gifts!

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Best Buy has a Holiday Ad for True Blood’s DVD:

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Last weekend the Halloween celebrations all over took on a True Blood feel with an abundance of fans dressing up like their favorite characters in the show. Our UK Truebie friend, Tinchy and Billsbabe, Thellou helped us find some really good photos that were posted both on the Official True Blood Facebook page and on Twitter. People dressed up like Sookie and Bill a lot, but we also found meanads, followers of maenads, Lafayette, Eric, Sam, Jason, Queen Sophie Ann, Godric and even Bubba. Here’s a few of the best we’ve found:

There are more to see at the Official True Blood Facebook fan page

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Vampires are all the trend right now and we couldn’t be more happy about it.  They are all over movies, TV shows and books that just ooze of their charm and ferocity.  Read below to learn what the Times Staff Writers, think describe our favorites and learn which vamp suits you best you?

‘True Blood’ Southern Gothic

The look:  Brooding and serious, but never menacing until someone p—– you off. (Try not to spring your fangs if someone cuts you off at the keg line; such a waste of vampire power. Wait for a True Blood vampire moment, like a fight over perceived flirtations with a bartender.)

The style: Choose Bill, and you’ll need to visit Ybor’s LaFrance for some foppish skinny suits, puffy shirts and bolo ties. Think Lyle Lovett with trendy haircut and some killer sideburns. Choose Eric, and you can be an urban male on the prowl, with leather jacket, tight jeans and boots. Think Brad Pitt with Angelina Jolie’s moodiness. Choose Godric and, well, you’ll not live to see the night.

Must have phrase: Sookie! (uttered in the lowest of voices, without the utmost Southern inflection, eyes smoldering.)

Props: Of course, you’ll need some bottles of True Blood, the magic substitute elixir for the real thing. How you concoct this is up to your creativity. Be sure to note blood type (B-, A+) for true bloodiness. Got a cutie on your arm? Spangle them up with silver necklaces that can conveniently render you helpless to help with cleanup or kitchen duty. Said cuties can also be forced to wear a truth ring from the Fellowship of the Sun for late-night fun and games (or arguments). And don’t forget your vial of vamp, the mind-bending drug of choice for illiterate backwoods folks.

Trampy Vamp

The look: Flirty, with a true mastery of seasonal double entendres. (Think It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown meets Real Sex 10.) Every detail and nuance should emphasis your undead heart’s desire to hook up — at least for a warm pint or two.

The style: The ultimate trampy vamp is Elvira, because she’s more than a mere mistress of the dark. She’s the kind of insatiable vampiress who’d give you a randy lap dance before reaching for your jugular. Start with a black blouse that’s cut down to the belly button and a tiny black skirt that’s shredded to reveal fishnet stockings. A long, black wig with a streak of grey is a nice touch. Or class it up a bit with a leather jumpsuit — and go blond — by channeling Lauren Hutton in 1985’s Once Bitten. But stake your costume’s reputation on proper — i.e., heavy — use of dark eyeliner and a white powdery foundation to give you the look of a Mons Venus dancer who hasn’t seen the sun in months.

Must have phrase: My name’s Elvira but you can call me ‘tonight’. (Be sure to do the proper shimmying during delivery.)

Props: How do we phrase this without sounding shallow . . . Oh heck, there’s no nice way: Unless you already have an hourglass figure, you’ll need a really, really big chest. A push-up bra might do the trick. If you’re a guy wanting to pull off this look — more power to ya — you’ll need a pair of foam boobs. Most costume stores have them.

The Hellacious Hipster

The look: Think of someone taller, more attractive and generally cooler than you in every meaningful category. The young, soulful undead are living the lives we’ll never have. And women looooove them.

The style: Think “Edward” from Twilight or “Angel” and “Spike” from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Dark leather jackets, ab-hugging T-shirts, fabulous hair with plenty of styling gel and a sullen, mopey attitude. Still having trouble picturing it? Imagine the Jonas Brothers . . . if the made-for-Disney rockers were a trio of testosterone-bathing bloodsuckers.

Must have phrase: Your scent, it’s like a drug to me. You’re like my own personal brand of heroin. (If delivered properly, be prepared to catch your female prey when she faints.)

Props: The hip vamp is more attitude than accessory. But a trip to the trendy shops of International Plaza will score you the needed threads. Grab a long, black coat or leather jacket and wear it collar up, James Dean-style (umm, ask your parents — well, maybe your grandparents — about him.) A pair of boots and a dark shirt will help establish your melancholy look. Feeling ambitious? Maybe head to the hairstylist for some frosted highlights (or in the case of “Spike” from Buffy, just buy a dozen bottles of peroxide for that bleached look).

Old School Ghoul

The look: Whether it’s Bela Lugosi setting the standard, or George Hamilton spoofing it in Love at First Bite, an otherworldly debonair aura is a must. So is peering down your nose at those Twilight wannabes.

The style: The cape is the key. Something long, flowing and death’s door black. Drape it over black slacks and shoes, and a starched, white shirt with the collar closed by a white bow-tie and ribboned medallion befitting undead royalty. That second-place spelling bee medal you’ve cherished since middle school will do just fine. From there, it’s all makeup: comfortable fangs, greasepaint pallor and hair pomade. Christopher Lee always had bloodshot eyes setting off the ensemble. How you manage that is up to you.

Must have phrase: I vant to dreeenk your bluuud, if you’re channeling Lugosi. Children of the night, shut up! if Hamilton is more your style. (Transylvanian accents can be fun, no matter what you’re saying.)

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Rock your pumpkin face off with True Blood pumpkin love. Who doesn’t want a sassy Lafayette, sultry Sookie, evil Eric or a fangy Bill-o-lantern on their front step? Or why not decorate your pumpkin with Merlotte’s or Fangtasia. These stencils make it easy! These jack-o-lantern stencils were created by Andy of Andytwist.com.

And, Camp Blood has some other Halloween craft and snack ideas for you in the their House of Horror Halloween Special below.

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Here’s some fun recipes to make for your Vamp Style Halloween Party with a True Blood style.

SOOKIE STACKHOUSE: I’m A Little Bit Nutty Pecan Pie Bars – Many Bon Temps residents consider Sookie a bit kooky – but definitely as sweet as these pecan pie bars.

Sookie Stackhouse lost her Gran to a serial killer in season one of “True Blood.” But before Gran met her untimely end, there’s one memorable scene in which Sookie becomes nearly mesmerized by a slice of Gran’s pecan pie. This recipe, from Gourmet magazine, honor’s Sookie’s Gran, her unusual talent for mind-reading and being the girlfriend of a vampire.

Makes 21 servings

1 ¼ cups (2 ½ sticks) unsalted butter (divided)
2 cups flour
1 ½ cups packed light brown sugar (divided)
½ teaspoon salt
8 ounces pecans (about 2 cups)
1/3 cup honey
2 tablespoons heavy whipping cream

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cut ¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) butter into ½-inch pieces. In food processor, blend butter, flour, ½ cup brown sugar and the salt until mixture begins to form small lumps. Sprinkle mixture into 13-by-9-inch baking pan and, with a metal spatula, press evenly onto bottom.

Bake shortbread in middle of oven until golden, about 20 minutes. While shortbread bakes, prepare topping.

In food processor, coarsely chop pecans. In a heavy saucepan, melt remaining ½ cup (1 stick) butter and stir in remaining 1 cup brown sugar, honey and cream. Simmer mixture, stirring occasionally, 1 minute and stir in pecans. Pour pecan mixture over hot shortbread and spread evenly.

Bake in middle of preheated oven until bubbling, about 20 minutes. When slightly cool, run sharp knife around edge of pan to loosen bars. Cool completely in pan and cut into bars. Bars keep, covered, five days at room temperature.

BILL COMPTON: Glamour Dip and Chips

He’s been dead for 100 years or more, but there’s something about this Southern gentleman that attracted Sookie instantly. And while he turned on the charm and ultimately possesses Sookie, he never uses a natural vampire gift of persuasion, which the show calls “glamouring,” on her.

This dip recipe comes from neighbors of mine. It’s pale, like most vampires on “True Blood,” and once it has a hold on you, you’ll do just about anything to have a few bites of it.

Makes about 1 cup dip

8 ounces cream cheese, room temperature
2 tablespoons grated white onion, or to taste

¼ cup milk, more or less to desired consistency
Potato chips

Place cream cheese and onion in mixing bowl. Using a whip attachment, blend ingredients slowly together. Pour in half the milk and blend, then increase speed of mixer. Whip for one to two minutes. If dip is too stiff, add more milk for desired consistency. Serve with potato chips.

ERIC NORTHMAN: Swedish Meatballs

Northman bestowed the gift of eternal life or damnation, depending on your viewpoint, on Pam. He’s the local vampire sheriff (or leader), and he owns Fangtasia, a seedy nightclub that draws vampires and humans alike, where the term “hooking up” takes on a whole new meaning.

Because he sometimes converses with Pam in Swedish and a flashback scene shows him as a Nordic warrior 1,000 years ago, these hearty and savory Swedish meatballs seem worthy of his character.

This recipe, from “The Joy of Cooking,” sums up the character it salutes, Erik Northman, the vampire leader in Bon Temps who’s a favorite among “True Blood” fans. He speaks Swedish with his right-hand vampire pal Pam and is easy on the eyes. These meatballs are their own little hunk of heaven. Makes 30 small meatballs

5 tablespoons butter (divided)
1 tablespoon minced onions
2/3 cup fresh bread crumbs
1 cup water
¾ pound lean ground beef
¾ pound lean ground pork
2 large egg yolks
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon ground black pepper
¼ teaspoon grated nutmeg
¼ teaspoon ground allspice
“2 tablespoons flour
2 cups beef stock

In small, heavy skillet over medium-high heat, melt 1 tablespoon butter. Add onions and sauté, stirring often, until soft, about 1 to 2 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside.

In large bowl of an electric mixer, combine bread crumbs and water. Let stand until soft, about 1 to 2 minutes. Add reserved onions along with beef, pork, egg yolks, salt, pepper, nutmeg and allspice. Beat on low speed until smooth. Turn mixer to high speed and beat until mixture is light in color and fluffy, about 10 minutes. Using 2 spoons dipped in cold water, shape meat into 1-inch balls.

In large skillet over medium heat, melt remaining 4 tablespoons butter. Cook meatballs in batches of about 15 to 20 at a time and brown on all sides. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain briefly on paper towels before removing to a warmed serving platter. Cover to keep warm.

When all meatballs are cooked, reduce heat to low and add flour to skillet. Cook, stirring, until lightly browned. Slowly add beef stock. Cook, whisking, until gravy is thick and smooth. Strain, if desired. Pour gravy over meatballs and serve hot.

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