Archive for the ‘Season 3 Quotes’ Category

The Vault’s Top Ten Quotes from True Blood Season 3

Posted by Lynnpd On September - 30 - 2010

True Blood’s Season 3 was as full of great quotations as were Season’s 1 and 2.

We at the Vault reviewed all of Mary Jo’s Blood Byte posts that listed quotes from each episode, and picked out what we thought were the ten best quotes. The criteria we used to determine what made the list is as follows:

  • the quotation had to stand on it’s own, and
  • be something that people quote again and again.

As an example, below are some quotes from Season 1 that meet this criteria. I’m sure you all remember these quotes:

  • Episode 12 – Terry to Arlene: Your hair’s like a sunset after a bomb went off
  • Episode 12 – Jessica to Bill: So, who’s good to eat around here?
  • Episode 3 – Bill to Sookie: I can smell the sunlight on your skin.
  • Episode 4 – Sookie to Bill: Don’t say uh-oh. Vampires aren’t supposed to say uh-oh.
  • Episode 4 – Bill to Sookie: You look like vampire bait.

They are memorable and have been repeated by True Blood fans over and over. So, below is our “official” list of the ten best quotes for this past season:

TOP TEN SEASON 3 QUOTES:

Below are those from Season 3 that we think meet the above criteria and are the best of the season.

  1. Episode 3.10 – Pam to Eric- ” Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah!”
  2. Episode 3.09 – Russell on TV -”Now time for the weather, Tiffany?”
  3. Episode 3.07 – Jason to Hoyt- “Never thought I was really smart enough to get depressed.”
  4. Episode 3.06 – Lorena to Sookie, after Sookie threatens to kill her: “Oh, please, please try! Without that sanctimonious little prick Godric to save you, I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat!”
  5. Episode 3.06 – Russell to Eric: “Throughout history I have aligned myself with or destroyed those humans in power, hoping to make a dent in mankind’s race to oblivion.What other creature actively destroys his own habitat?”
  6. Episode 3.05 – Franklin to Tara- “Tara, watch how fast I type mother fucker!”
  7. Episode 3.04 -Melinda to Sam- “Sometimes I think that boy’s cheese slid off his cracker!”
  8. Episode 3.02 – Tara to Lafayette- ” The one time in my life I was happy- I was a f–king zombie!”
  9. Episode 3.01 – Andy to Jason- ” Conscience off, dick on!’
  10. Episode 3.01 – Bill to Sam – “I hear the water in Arkansas is very hard.”

Runners Up These almost made the list, but not quite!

  1. Russell on TV – “The American Vampire League likes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you and I suppose in a few small ways we are. We’re narcissists; we care only about getting what we want, no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, that’s a small price to pay for your SUV’s, and your flat screen TV’s, blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garrish McMansions, futile symbols of permanence to quell your quivering spineless souls. But no, in the end, we are nothing like you; we are immortal because we drink the true blood, blood that is living, organic and human.”
  2. Terry to Arlene: Ten reasons why you can trust me with your kids, #3 I never killed nothin’ by accident.
  3. Pam to Lafayette- ”You pickin up what I’m puttin’ down.”

That’s it.  Do you agree? Do you know of another quotation that meets the above criteria and we missed? Let us know your thoughts by leaving a comment below!

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

This episode was all about trust. Who can trust who? Everyone has an issue with someone but hopefully things will get resolved in the season finale. Or will they? I guess we’ll just have to trust Alan Ball on that one.

I put my trust in the writers again in hopes that there was some interesting dialogue in this episode. And they haven’t failed me yet this season!

“She’s not even alive and you are cute as pigs!”

Pam to Bill- “This is not just about your relationship you infatuated tween!”

Pam to Bill- “Colloidal silver in stock and overpriced at your neighborhood health food store!”

Yvetta to Sookie (about Eric)- “Big, blonde stupid, I hate!”

Pam to Sookie- “Now we’re all gonna die because of one freaky little human!”

Pam to Sookie- “Don’t leave me alone with this idiot immigrant!”

Crystal to Jason- “I told you I had secrets and you said you didn’t care.”
Jason to Crystal- “I thought it was shopliftin’ somethin’.”

Jason to Crystal- “I was ready to sign up for a meth dealer’s daughter!”

Crystal to Jason-”Oh poor you! All I gotta do is marry my half brother and let him breed me till I’m old or dead!”

Hoyt to Jessica- “If my arms and legs did get cut off and I drank your blood, would they grow back?”

Jessica to Hoyt- “I drink human blood and I’m not gonna stop!”

Hoyt to Jessica- “Drink me!”

Eric to Russell- “Apparently you wanted my father’s crown for your vast collection of meaningless shit!”

Russell to Eric- “My, My! To lose the one man I ever loved because you miss mommy and daddy- well that is a kick in the pants!”

Russell to Eric- “You ain’t nothin’ more than a lump of muscle with a blood grudge!”

Sam to lady at the bar- “Mind your own God damned business! Jesus Christ, your ugly!”

Sam to everyone at the bar- “Give me back my fuckin’ whiskey!”

Sam to Terry- “Get back in the kitchen you shell shocked mother fucker!”

Holly to Sam – “You’re polluting our positive energy vibes and its killin’ out tips!”

Sam to Arlene and Holly – “This is my place so you bitches do your job and shut the fuck up!”

Tammy to Kitch- “You said you’d come back to the house with me and watch me try on outfits!”

Maxine to Summer- “How did I bring up a child so willful and dumb?”

Summer to Maxine- “I even offered him my virginity and he turned it down flat!”
Maxine to Summer- “I appreciate that even if you broke God’s law.”

Summer to Maxine- “It’s my fault. I’m not tall like her. I can’t even reach my own closet shelf without a grabber!”

Maxine to Summer- ” She’s not even alive and you are cute as pigs!”

Summer to Maxine- “I opened my heart to him. I showed him my best underwear!”

Maxine to Summer- “That red headed sucker put a spell on him!”

Summer to Maxine- “I’ll never get over my bear!”

Andy to Tara- “I used to drink hot sauce right out of the bottle! That was a good time!”

Tara to Andy- “You’re a dirty, dirty cop!”

Tommy to Sam – “Look at yourself drunk and yellin’. You’re nothin’ but Joe Lee in a Sam suit!”

Sookie to Bill- “I’m done with this shit!”

Sookie to Bill (discussing their future)- I’m not a waitress anymore. I’m goin’ to college. No, I’m a real estate agent and I’m really rich!”
Bill to Sookie- “I’ll teach third grade and I love my job!”
Sookie to Bill- “Sometimes we’d double date with Arlene and Terry!”
Bill to Sookie- “And I’d go fishing with Jason!”
Sookie to Bill- “We don’t even know Eric Northmann!”

Kitch to Jason (about V)- “My parents are payin’ for it and the Principal uses it for his sex life!”

Tara to Sam- “What crawled up your butt tonight?”

Jason to Crystal- “I saw a boy once and he was makin’ awful noises and chewin’ on somethin’ dead!”
Crystal to Jason- “That’s my double cousin Buford. He ain’t right but never hurt nobody!”

Sookie to all the vampires- “Now that’s just nuts! Nothin’ in my blood is a supernatural sunscreen for y’all!”

Sookie to Bill - “I hate you! I hate you all!”

Eric to Pam- “You know I love you more when you’re cold and heartless!”

Russell to himself- “It’s faeries, fuckin’ faeries! Who knew?”

Russell (as he steps out in the sun) – “Glorious! It’s sublime!”

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

I smell a rat and I think its Eric Northman! And Sookie, when are you going to learn not to be so dumb and naive? Lafayette and Jesus made me dizzy on their little “V” trip. OK enough said, but unfortunately there wasn’t enough interesting dialogue either his week. But I still love the show and hope they win some Emmys!


Pam to Eric- ” Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah!”

Sookie to Bill- “I’m a fairy? How fucking lame!”

Tara to Franklin’s remains- “I hope you rot in hell you psycho piece of shit!”

Sookie to Bill- “If my blood is so delicious, does that mean your feelings for me are based on that?”
Bill to Sookie
– “No! Though it definitely drew me to you at first [cue Sookie and Bill love theme]. Sookie … it is not your blood I love. I love YOU. Your mind, your heart, your soul. And I will forswear ever feeding on you again if that’s what it takes to convince you of that. You have brought light back into my life. And hope. And gratitude. That is why I love you. Nothing else.”

Eric to Yvetta- “Are you mentally competent and under no duress at this time?”

Eric to Yvetta (in Russian)?-  “I promised you a job and good sex.”

Lafayette to Jesus (referring to Calvin and Crystal)- ” Them fuckers are a whole new dimension of trash.”

Bill to Eric- “You should know, you’re his butt boy.”

Bill to Eric (referring to Russell)- ” That’s why he went medieval on TV!”

Steve Newlin on TV- “And if I were less than Christian I would say told ya!”

Jessica to Arlene- “We get it! You don’t like vampires. Well I don’t like narrow minded skinny bitches with bad dye jobs!’

Arlene to Jessica- “I may be skinny but I’m not evil and once evil always evil!’

Jessica to Tommy-  “I shouldn’ve done that!”
Tommy to Jessica- “Oh, ya kiddin, you gave me total wood!”

Summer to Hoyt (Bear)- “I can tell your a sexual person Hoyt Fortenberry!”

Summer to Hoyt (while his hand is on her boob) - “Its gonna take gettin used to me being warm and all.”

Lafayette to Jesus (about doing “V”) - “Yesterday you made coffee. Today I thought we graduate to juice and
pancakes!”

Newscaster on TV (talking about Russell’s mansion)- “Sources say the mansion was as empty as a tomb. No pun intended!”

Sam to Tommy-  “Tommy, its not respect when your employees think your a psychopath!”
Tommy to Sam-  “All I know is that I was proud of my big brother last night!”
Sam to Tommy- “Yeah- well you’re an idiot!”

Sookie to Eric-”I know this is a dream.”
Eric to Sookie- “You might as well enjoy it then!”

Pam to Sookie (entering Eric’s office) - “She insisted!”
Eric to Pam- “She always does!”

Sookie to Eric- “OK I get it. I’m irresistible and intoxicating.”

Pam to Eric- “Blah, blah, vampire emergency, blah!”

Jessica to Hoyt- “Hoyt I love you now drink my blood!”

Jason (when he sees Crystal shifting from a panther)- “Mama!”

Russell to Tony- “I’m so sorry Talbot!”
Tony to Russell- ” Tony!”
Tony to Russell- ” Yeah it was a nice house.”

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

This week’s episode, in Camp Blood terms, was an “8 Grace Jones” for me as compared to 10 last week. However, I give the shower scene a “10 Grace Jones” by itself!

As for the dialogue, there wasn’t alot of it as compared to past episodes. (R.I.P. Talbot!)  But there were still enough lines that are worth mentioning again.

“Let’s face it, eating people is a tough sale these days!”

Nan to Eric - “I should be kissing asses in Oregon and not cleaning up after you in fucking Louisiana!”

Nan to Eric - “Shut Up. Your making my head hurt!”

Sookie to Bill -(as they were cleaning up the dead were body)-”Normal couples do not do this Bill Compton!”
Bill to Sookie -”What would you rather be doing, sitting on the sofa watching television?”
Sookie to Bill -”Just once I’d like not to find a dead body in my house. Is that too much to ask?”

Sookie to Bill -”Ok, see, I don’t know how you did things in the 1800′s, but keepin’ a file on the woman you love is creepy!”

Jason to Crystal -”Could you not make me a rapist!”
Crystal to Jason -”I’m sorry-it was the best I could think of!”

Eric to Nan -”I’m a Virgo. I like to be neat.”

Nan to Eric -”Your screeching fan cushion of a barmaid who’s been glamoured so much that she can’t even remember her own last name, does know that no one ever goes down there with so much as a mop and a promise.”

Nan to Eric -”Some do believe on a fair hearing- Americans!”

Nan to Guards -”Bring in a couple of spare coffins for Sheriff Northman and his, whatever you are!”

Tommy to Sam (referring to Sam’s partying past) -”Where that guy go?”

Natalie to Tommy (referring to Sam) -”That’s your Dad?”

Ruby Jean to Lafayette -”You got an excellent selection of cosmetics.”

Ruby Jean to Jesus -”Ain’t nothin’ hurt me when I got on my war paint!”

Ruby Jean to Jesus and Lafayette -”I’ll be damned! Maybe God loves fags!”

Andy to Jason - “I got ulcers so big, coffee’s comin’ out of my belly button!’
Jason to Andy - “Is that even possible?”

Andy to Jason -”Go make sure Rosie didn’t drown at her own desk!”

Summer to Hoyt -”I love vampires as much as any one else but they have no life in them!”

Summer to Hoyt -”Can’t do much antiqueing after dark, can we?”

Lafayette to Tara (after she inquires about his relationship) - “If you call 2 days in a row a “thing”, for me its a record!”

Nan to Eric -”You look like shit!”
Eric to Nan -”Well I feel fantastic!”

Nan to Eric (referring to Russell) -”Bring me his fangs or I will have yours!”

Franklin to Tara -”If you had a shred of love in your heart for me you would have mourned me!”

Franklin to Jason -”You realize that I’m a vampire and you could empty every round in me and I will heal.”
Jason to Franklin -”Not if I got wooden bullets!”

Russell on TV - “The American Vampire League likes to perpetrate the notion that we are just like you and I suppose in a few small ways we are. We’re narcissists; we care only about getting what we want, no matter what the cost, just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, that’s a small price to pay for your SUV’s, and your flat screen TV’s, blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garrish McMansions, futile symbols of permanence to quell your quivering spineless souls. But no, in the end, we are nothing like you; we are immortal because we drink the true blood, blood that is living, organic and human.”

Russell on TV -”Let’s face it, eating people is a tough sale these days!”

Russell on TV -”Now time for the weather, Tiffany?”

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

This week brought us another action packed, blood spilling, and heart wrenching episode. Did I mention the hot, animal sex? As usual, TB delivered the goods with some memorable and witty dialogue. This week I would like to dedicate the Blood Bytes to Talbot. Poor Talbot! He certainly got the wrong end of the deal. ( no pun intended)! Talbot had the best lines ever and the mannerisms to go along with it. His wit and humor will be missed. So will his whining and hissy fits. RIP Talbot!


Talbot to Russell- “Your acting like a century old child!”

Jason to Sookie- “Your alive! Sook, say somethin’. Are you brain dead?”

Sookie to Bill- “From the day we met its been one long bloody fight and I keep waiting for it to end!”

Bill to Sookie – “I want you to have the life you deserve. Lay out in the sun, have children, and grow old with someone.”

Queen Sophie (ranting in Russell’s home)- “This is no room. Its a fucking closet! Where I am supposed to put my bird?”

Talbot to Russell- “Franklin’s brains won’t wash off the guest linens, I have to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I’ve had enough excitement thank you!”

Talbot to Russell- “Your acting like a century old child!”

Talbot to Russell- “You can’t buy yourself out of everything!”
Russell to Talbot-” Of course I can. This is America!”

Talbot to Russell- “Go while I baby-sit your wife!”

Debbie to Russell- (about Cooter) -”He weren’t no hero. He just wanted a little V and to have some fun!”

Debbie to Russell- “Let me go after them, I’ll rip their fucking heads off!”

Eric to Russell- “I enjoy a good head ripping as much as the next vampire!”

Russell to Debbie- (referring to Sookie)- “Don’t worry darlin’. I’ll let you play with her first!”

Jessica to Bill- “I need you. Your the only maker I got!”

Alcide to Sookie-”I know your tougher than a one eared alley cat!”

Jason to Sookie-”Sookie, what he did to you-that’s domestic…..somethin’!”

Jason to Sookie- “You got no right bein’ in my head- That’s …..trespassin’!”

Melinda to Tommy and Sam -”I don’t blame you. I’d leave us too if I could!”

Sookie and Tara (talking about what Gran used to say about not wearing sunscreen)-” You’ll fry like a fritter in a pan!”

Tara to Sookie- “You know what you sound like- one of them sad country songs about dumb bitches who let their men cheat and beat on them all for the sake of true love. You know at the end of those songs the dumb bitch always ends up dead!’

Sookie to Tara- “Did you just call me a dumb bitch?”

Tara to Alcide (about Sookie)-”Maybe you could flirt some sense into that girl!”

Crystal to Jason-”Can I get a towel and some whiskey?”

Holly to Arlene-”I figure the world’s been here long enough-no matter where you step somebody’s died there.”

Arlene to Sam-”This is Holly your new waitress. Don’t sleep with her!”

Ruby Jean to Jesus-”Did that white bitch say sit there I’ll be right back.”

Ruby Jean to Lafayette and Jesus-”I ain’t crazy- its those drugs their giving me!”

Ruby Jean to Jesus-”TV’s all faggots, murderers and ho’s.”

Alcide to Sookie- “You read minds and shoot light out of your fingers. Who am I to tell you what’s best for you.”

Tommy to Sam (about Tara) – “Sounds like my kind of girl!”

Hadley to Sookie-”Your right. Gran’s is fine wherever she is. We’re the ones who are fucked!”

Russell to Talbot- “Oh poor Talbot! Are your diamond slippers chafin?”

Eric to Talbot-”I know I’m a poor substitute but I would be honored to keep you company.”

Jason to Crystal- “Is that your stomach growlin’ or you got gas?”

Calvin to Sam- “Listen shifter! If I find out your lyin’ to me I’m gonna rip your dick off and feed it to my hogs!”

Tommy to Sam (after Calvin and Felton leave Merlotte’s) – “Did you smell that?”

Lafayette to Jesus- “Wavin’ a kitchen knife is a hell of a way to say you care!”

Lafayette to Jesus- “I think you’ve been around my mother too long. her crazy is starting to rub off on you.”

Talbot to Eric- “I’m bored. Take off your clothes!”

Debbie to Sookie- “Open up little piggy! I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!”

Debbie to Sookie- “Your boyfriend’s yummy!”

Russell to Bill- “I’ll trade you the red one for the blonde one.”

Russell to Bill- “When it comes to killin,’ I’ve always been an equal opportunist.”

Sookie to Debbie- “Get out of my house, BITCH!”

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

This episode was definitely “hitting the ground” from the first scene. Dead vampire gunk, werewolves, and a Magister’s head were some of the most intense “ground” moments of the episode. And poor Sookie certainly hit the ground after Bill had a drinking frenzy. Of course there were many lines from the dialogues that were “groundbreaking ” as well…..

Jason to Hoyt- “Never thought I was really smart enough to get depressed.”

Lorena to Sookie- ” No wonder Bill’s drawn to you. Your delicious!”

Sookie to Lorena- “Fuck you!”

Sookie to Lorena (as she stakes her)- “You wouldn’t know love if it kicked you in the fangs!”

Debbie (as she walks into the shed)- “You shouldn’t have. Vampire burrito for me?”

Debbie to Sookie-”You sure picked a dumb ass time to call me bitch, BITCH!”

Debbie to Sookie- “OK freak, your mind reading shit is really getting old!”

Debbie to Alcide-”You better kill me now. I will sniff you out!”

Tara to Alcide- “You need a faster van!”

Jason to Hoyt- “Never thought I was really smart enough to get depressed.”

Jason to Hoyt (about Crystal) -” Do you think she was named after champagne?”

Hoyt to Jason- “I bet you her middle name is meth.”

Jason to Hoyt- “Its genius is what it is. I knew you and me bein’ roommates wasn’t gonna suck forever!”

Summer to Hoyt-”I’m not a vampire like your last girlfriend!”

Summer to Hoyt-”I baked bisquits, my great grams recipe, still warm from the oven, butter churned by hand and home made strawberry perserves I picked myself from the church house garden.”

Summer to Hoyt-”I like you Hoyt. I wanna be your girlfriend. And I really want you to taste my biscuits!”

Jason to Hoyt (about Summer)- “She’s gonna make a great grand mama someday!”

Eric to Sophie Ann-”The only vampire a vampire can trust is the vampire he made!”

Eric to Sophie Ann (after Hadley whispers to him about Sookie)-”Oh! I wasn’t expecting that!”

Sookie to Bill (as she gives him her blood)-”You make it through this, you owe me!”

Jason to Andy-”I’m just sweeping’”

Andy to Jason-”Where’s your broom?”

Jason to Andy-”You’ve got a point!”

Doctor to Tara and Alcide-”Your friend doesn’t have a blood type!”

Jason to Lafayette-”That shits behind me! ( referring to V) I need some meth!”

Jason to Lafayette-”God Damn Lafayette, I’m in love!” Lafayette back to Jason-”With the dude in jail?”

Sam to Melinda- “I thought Tara had a shitty mother but you take the cake!”

Sam to Joe Lee- “Your just a sad man in saggy underpants!”

Sam to Joe Lee and Melinda-”I thought the Merlotte’s were bad parents but the Mickens make them look like the Dali Lama!”

Lafayette to hospital worker- “Go find someone else’s organs to harvest!”

Jason to Sookie- “Sook, don’t do this to me. I meant what I said. You’re all I got.”

Claudine to Sookie- “You can’t seem to stay out of trouble!”

Sookie to Claudine- “I knew you were going to say that!”

Claudine to Sookie (about her parent’s deaths)- “Don’t fear the water. It wasn’t the water that killed them.”

Pam to Magister-” How did you know I was a Tiffany’s girl?”

Pam to Magister (about sterling silver earrings)- “Excellent, they’ll match my chain!”

Russell to Eric (about Fangtasia)- “Love the place! Love the vibe! We must talk franchising later!”

Russell to Magister-”Yes, my loyal subject!”

Russell to Magister-”There’s a new fucking authority in town!”

Eric to Pam (as Russell torments The Magister)- “Let’s see how this plays out. You can always taunt later.”

Sophie Ann to Russell- “Can we get this over with. I’m getting cold feet!”

Sophie Ann to The Magister (after he marries her to Russell)- “Yes. Thanks. I’m so happy I could bleed!”

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes below:

Yes, our dear tortured and bloody Bill certainly had the right to sing the blues in this episode. Being a Billsbabe, this episode was very intense and difficult to watch. But amidst all the darkness and gloom there were moments of dialogue that gave us some much needed humor and several insights.

Russell to Eric: “Throughout history I have aligned myself with or destroyed those humans in power, hoping to make a dent in mankind’s race to oblivion.
What other creature actively destroys his own habitat?”

Russell to Eric: “Preening little fool that he was, Adolf was right about one thing – there is a master race, it’s just not the human race.”

Russell to Bill (after Bill tries to stake him): “Are you serious? I am almost 3000 years old!”

Talbot to Russell (after Bill’s fall from the ceiling): “Do you care nothing about our home?”

Russell: “Take Miss Stackhouse into the library, Eric. I want to ask her a few questions after I repair the state of affairs in my marriage.”

Lorena to Sookie, after Sookie threatens to kill her: “Oh, please, please try! Without that sanctimonious little prick Godric to save you, I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat!”

Eric to Sookie: “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but shut up!”

Arlene to her annoying customer: “Where do you think you are, lady, The Red Lobster?”

Lafayette to Jesus: “Well that sucked, but in a good way!”

Crystal to Jason: “I’m not into any pervert stuff!”

Sookie: “I hate your fucking guts, Eric Northman.”

Russell to Sookie: “Sorry to keep you waiting – a husband’s work is never done!”

Lorena to Bill: “I may not be able to make you feel anything for me, but I will make you feel.”

Lorena to Bill: “Even as you face the true death, I will be inside you. Not Sookie, me.”

Bill to Lorena: “I wish I had known you before you were made, before you turned hard. I would like to have seen you smile with light in your eyes instead of darkness. That would have been something.”

Arlene to Jessica, after Jessica’s fangs pop out at the sight of Arlene’s bloody finger: “Please don’t kill me, I’m pregnant! That probably just makes you want to eat me even more.”

Arlene to Jessica: “This necklace is pure silver, and I take garlic supplements too!”

Jessica to Arlene: “It turned out to be a nice night after all. You got a nice tip and nobody got killed.”

Jesus to Lafayette: “No one sucks on the first date.”

Russell to Sookie: “Honey, there’s a fine line between feisty and delusional.”

Russell to Sookie, regarding Lorena killing Bill: “If she knows what’s good for her. But she’ll take her time. He’s been her drug of choice for centuries now. She’s going to have a hard time letting go.”

Franklin: “Tara, I will not be policed.”

Franklin to Tara: “You haven’t even noticed that I shaved!”

Franklin: “Tara, you wicked little strumpet!” NOTE: “Strumpet” is an offensive term for prostitute or woman regarded as too sexually active.

Talbot to Russell: “You never take me anywhere!”

Russell to Eric (referring to Talbot): “He’s in one of his moods.”

Russell to Eric: “Throughout history I have aligned myself with or destroyed those humans in power, hoping to make a dent in mankind’s race to oblivion. What other creature actively destroys his own habitat?”

Russell to Eric: “Preening little fool that he was, Adolf was right about one thing – there is a master race, it’s just not the human race.”

Lafayette to Hotshot intruders: “Get the fuck outta here! Go tell your mama two faggots whupped yo’ ass, bitch!”

Sophie Anne (as she’s scratching her lotto tickets): “Hadley, Ludis, go down to the Circle K and get me a couple hundred more Deuces Wild tickets. Mama’s feelin lucky tonite!”

Eric to Sophie Anne: “No, sweetheart, you go fuck yourself!’

Russell to Eric (after Eric torments Sophie Anne): “No, I quite enjoyed that! Thank you.”

Bill to Lorena, after she mentions watching the life flow out of him: “And what will you do then? Find another man that you deem honorable, so that you can turn him into a violent hateful thing like yourself, destroying whatever it was you loved about him to begin with?”

Bill to Lorena, regarding her maker: “He made you his mirror, just as you’ve tried to make me yours. He is the reason that a girl who once marveled in the beauty of all life now delights in bringing pain and horror to every moment.”

Bill to Lorena: “I welcome death, because only then will I be free of the disease that is you.”

Debbie to Coot, as Coot kicks Bill while Debbie is feeding on him: “Do you mind? I’m tryin’ to eat here!”

Melinda to Tommy: “You can’t trust Sam. He may be blood, but he ain’t family.”

Arlene, after Sam walks off mid-conversation: “Damn, everybody’s ignoring me today!”

Tara to Sookie, regarding Bill: “I’m not risking my life to save his dead ass!”

Sookie: “I’m gonna get you out of here. I’m gonna make you well if it’s the last thing I ever do. Because I love you, Bill Compton, and I’m not about to let you go!”

Blood Bytes: Favorite True Blood quotes – Episode 3.03

Posted by The Vault On June - 30 - 2010

Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best True Blood quotes.

This week’s episode was one wild ride! It was creepy, sexy. heart wrenching, tormenting, violent, and funny all in an hours time. Despite all the craziness, this episode still offered some sassy and silly dialogue.

Is your favorited quote listed? Add it in the comments!


I’ve got your rug all wet.

Were to Eric- “If I tell you I’m as dead as you are!”

Eric to Sookie-” I’ve got your rug all wet.”

King to Talbot (after tapestry is burnt)- ” Or we’ll put a planter or two in front of it to hide the burn marks.”

Melinda to Joe Lee- “You ain’t seen your son in 30 years and you can’t cork it for one night! (pause)
“We ain’t alcoholics!”

Pam picking up the phone- ” This is Fangtasia. It better be good!”

Pam to Jessica- “Spit it out cupcake. I’m in the middle of somethin’.”

Hoyt to Jason (asking questions on law test) – “Legal blood alcohol limit in Louisiana?

Jason to Hoyt- “When your drunk!”

Tara to Mike Spencer (concerning Egg’s funeral)- “Don’t start without me!”

Jason to Lafayette-” I got a lot on my mind lately.”

Lafayette to Jason- ” That must feel new.”

Joe Lee to Sam- “Always dreamed of havin’ my own chicken shack. I’d call it Mickens Chicken Chitlins!”

Tommy (to himself)- ” Yeah, that’ll happen!”

Sheriff Dearborn (proclaiming his resignation)- ” I QUIT! Did ya hear me? I’ve had it with this sh-t!…..
43 years and what have I got to show for it- gaps in my
brain and polyps in my ass! I don’t need this horsesh-t!”

Talbot to Cooter- “Zima, correct?”

Eric to Lafayette- ” Hello sweetheart!”

Tommy to Sam- ” If you throw a punch your so one of us!”

Jessica to Franklin- ” How come no one tells me any of this?”

Franklin to Jessica (talking with man’s head)- ” You sure got some pretty lips girlfriend!”

Were in bar to Sookie- “You look like dinner!”

Blood Bytes: Favorite True Blood quotes – Episode 3.02

Posted by Lynnpd On June - 23 - 2010

Guest writer for The Vault Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) has provided her weekly list of the best quotes from Episode 3.02, “Beautifully Broken” below.

Leave a comment and tell us what your favorite quote was from this episode!

Jason to Sookie- "Shit! Weres. Big Foot, is he real too? Santa?"

Coot to Bill- “You’re about to get deader. Mother F–ker!”

Bill to Coot- “Cooter, seriously?”

King to Coot- ” You drank from my guest?”

Pam to Jessica- “Lets go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirror.”

Pam to Jessica- “I think about crying children with soggy diapers and maggots!”

Eric to a crying Sookie- “Please don’t do that. It makes me feel disturbingly human.”

Talbot to Bill- “I’ve just redecorated the guest room!”

Talbot to Bill- “Enjoy the bed. So nice to meet you Bill!”

King to Talbot- “I think I’m going to have to bring in the girl.”

Tara to Lafayette- ” The one time in my life I was happy- I was a f–king zombie!”

Hoyt to Jessica-”Its like I haven’t eaten for days and people walkin round with hamburgers on their necks!”

Jason to Sookie (after she nails him in the balls)- ” Right in the family junk!”

Jason to Sookie- “Shit! Weres. Big Foot, is he real too? Santa?”

Sookie to Jason- “I keep expecting Bill to come through the door and say Sookeh!”

Joe Lee to Sam- “You from collections? I put that check in the mail yesterday!”

Sookie to Terry (as he asks her if she knows how to use a gun)-”I ain’t that blonde!”

Tommy to Sam- “Welcome to the family. You can have them!”

Ruby to herself – “He spits in my food through those rotten cheese teeth! Wetback!”

Sam to Tommy- “I didn’t realize this was whose life is more f–ked up contest!”

Jessica on the phone talking to lady at the hardware store about chainsaws-”Can I rent one of those for the night?

Talbot to Bill (about the wine)- “Cruelty free, all willingly donated!”

Talbot to the King and Bill- “Excuse me gentlemen, I need to drain the second course! ( Carlo- Bring me that Thai boy!)”

Jason to Andy- “Your my hero. Your the wind beneath my wings!”

Andy to Jason- “Your prettier than most girls!”

Jason to Andy- “Your my best friend!”

Andy response to Jason- “Now that’s just sad.”

Talbot to Bill- “That is warm blood bisque infused with rose petals.”

Talbot to Bill (referring to Queen Sophie)- “She’s as crazy as a monkey on a trike!”

King to Bill- “Your in my house Mr. Compton. Put away your fangs!’

Terry to Arlene- “I made a list of 10 reasons why you can trust me with your kids.”

Jason to Andy- “I got me a drug dealer!”

Lorena to Bill, King, and Talbot- “Oh goody. I’m just in time for dessert!”

Blood Bytes: Favorite True Blood quotes

Posted by The Vault On June - 18 - 2010

As all you fans know, our favorite show True Blood has an amazing staff of writers, including Alan Ball himself. Their storylines and original, sassy, and outrageous dialogues never cease to amaze or amuse us.
Guest writer for The Vault Mary Jo (aka Skimom2) will make a weekly list of the best quotes of each episode. This is her list for Episode 3.01 “Bad Blood”. What is your favorite quote?

Hostess at French Restaurant to Sookie- ” Fucking vampires, its always nothing but shit!” ( English translation)

Bill’s kidnapper to Bill- “How ’bout you just call us the Fuck you crew!”

Tara to Arlene- “Trash is what trash does!”

Andy to Jason- ” Conscience off, dick on!’

Sookie to Pam- “I’m in no mood for lesbian weirdness.”

Eric to Yvetta (tied up with ropes mind you)- “Don’t go anywhere.”

Bill to Sam – “I hear the water in Arkansas is very hard.”

Jason to Hoyt- “If you and me are going to be room mates, pussy overflow is somethin’ you ‘ll have to deal with!”

Pam to Lafayette- ” You pickin up what I’m puttin’ down.”

Bill to the Weres- ” I should warn you, I’ve fed!”

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