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True Blood: The End Game

MASSIVE SPOILER WARNING: Contains vague spoilers about the conclusions of Lost, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Sopranos, Twin Peaks, Twilight, Dexter, and The Southern Vampire Mystery Novels!

 

The end of True Blood is nigh! After seven seasons of bloodshed, boinking, beasts and boobies we will finally learn the eventual fates of all the characters we have grown to love so dearly, and all those who have consistently annoyed the hellfire out of us. Taking into account the ways in which popular shows have met their makers in years gone by, here’s a look at some of the directions that True Blood take, should the writers be stuck for inspiration.

 

The “Lost” Ending

Sookie is the chosen one who has to sacrifice herself in order to avert the apocalypse, going head to head in a battle with the personification of pure evil, who has tricked Arlene into killing herself and taken over her body. Half the cast perish in the ensuing chaos. But it’s ok, because they all meet up in the afterlife, where they are wearing much better clothes and can finally connect with their true loves. Many questions are left unanswered, but fortunately the show’s makers will kindly make a minisode that explains all the loose threads like what happened to Jason’s werepanther babies, and how Lafayette and Jesus drove to Mexico so quickly.

sookielost

 

The “Buffy” Ending

It turns out that the reason there’s so much supernatural freakishness going on in Bon Temps is that the entire town is actually built on a gate to Hell. Sookie and her Scooby gang have to fight off demons, and Eric bravely sacrifices himself because of his love for Sookie. Most of the citizens of Bon Temps escape, but the town eventually implodes when the Hellgate closes, leaving the mother of all sink holes. The subsequent escapades of Sookie and the surviving members of her gang are told in comic book form.

 

The “Sopranos” Ending

Half the cast perish in a war with gangster vampires. It seems that the war is over, and Sookie is having a pleasant meal in Bellefleur’s with her closest friends and family (that didn’t die). Everything is just lovely (apart from Arlene being in a coma) and Sookie puts Don’t Stop Believing by Journey on the jukebox. Just as Jason walks through the door, Sookie looks at him and…. It cuts to black. So nobody knows what the heck happened. Is she dead? Did she get shot by a rogue gangster vampire or something? Thus, the fan arguments debating the true nature of the ending ensue and continue ad infinitum.

 

The “Twin Peaks” Ending

The sexually depraved demon that’s been possessing people and making them commit atrocious murders of high school prom queens drags Sookie into a weird dimension where there’s a giant and a dwarf speaking riddles and lots of red curtains. She escapes, but then the demon possesses her!! The whole plot is so phenomenally bizarre that a kinky prequel movie is required to explain to everyone exactly what the heck was going on. The movie is so rubbish that some of the cast members don’t even bother to show up and so are replaced by actors who look nothing like them.

sookietwinpeaks

 

The “Twilight” Ending

Sookie becomes a vampire and marries Bill/Eric. They have a lovely vampire baby daughter who Alcide falls in love with immediately, even though that’s obviously really creepy. There are evil Authority-esque vampires who want the baby for some reason that nobody really cares about, and the good-looking cool vampires defeat the evil baby-snatching vampires with their badass fighting skills. Sookie’s dad makes an epic comeback with the moustache to end all moustaches.

 

The “Dexter” Ending

There’s a pointless serial killer that no viewer actually gives a toss about; Jason dies in ridiculous circumstances; Sookie blames herself and fakes her own death in an implausible way. She abandons everyone she cares about to go and live in isolation as a lumberjack. Nobody else’s stories are resolved.

 

The Cliffhanger Ending

No, not the superbly nuanced, thought-provoking and poignant Sylvester Stallone movie “Cliffhanger” – that would mean True Blood ending with Sookie escaping from an exploding helicopter. I’m talking about those shows which were cancelled before they reached their conclusion, leaving viewers with a frustrating non-ending to endlessly ponder and write fanfiction about. Questions are left unanswered, characters’ stories are unresolved, fates are unknown, and viewers are screaming “WHYYYYYYYY??” See: Carnivale, Deadwood, and weep at the inhumanity of the networks for giving these incredible shows the chop. Or, see: Heroes, Flashforward, The Event and thank the gods of TV that True Blood never got this bad.

sookiecliffhanger

 

 

The Slash Fiction Ending

Bill and Eric say, “You know what? Fuck Sookie!” and have manly vampire sex.

 

The Fangirl Ending

Sookie ends up living happily ever after with Bill/Eric/Sam/Alcide. There is prolonged full-frontal male nudity involved.

 

The Book Ending

After breaking up with Eric and being kidnapped by Steve Newlin (yes, unlikely in the show universe) Sookie renounces the vampire world and starts dating reliable ol’ Sam. Everyone has babies.

 

What do you think? How should True Blood end?

 

 

AphroditeMF
Natalie co-hosts God Hates Fangs podcast with her husband. She is currently working on a trilogy of sci-fi vampire novels.
AphroditeMF
AphroditeMF
15 comments
Robin
Robin

Using all of the regular True Blood actors....Last episode is a house in LA in the morning a wife, husband and kids (insert your own True Blood actor preferences). One of the couple is the author of the "True Blood" manuscript and they have an appointment to sell the manuscript. On way to the meeting the author does routine errands (True Blood actors are interspersed as people the author routinely sees while...) dropping kids off at school, getting gas, coffee, dry cleaning, etc. Author meets a friend for a very late lunch in a trendy Hollywood restaurant before their late afternoon appointment. At office the author checks in with receptionist, has the meeting and is told the manuscript is very interesting and will be given to the studio executive. The author leaves, stops at the store picks up dinner items, picks up kids from school, goes home fixes and has dinner with family. At night the phone rings and it is the studio executive (who just happens to be a vampire) saying how excited they are with the manuscript and want to meet with the author....

Selle
Selle

I believe it should end where Bill Compton is turned back into a human and Sookie eliminates her fairy attributes by conjuring and deploying her fairy fireball at someone. Her throwing of the fireball would be done to save Bill who was trying to save Sookie but now that he's a human, he has to fight like a mortal man and it was looking like he might be killed. So Sookie saves him with her fireball and now they're both equal as humans. She also finds out that Bill is her true soulmate and he loves her more than she ever dreamed anyone could. They kiss a beautiful romantic kiss in each other's arms and the screen fades to black.

Andrea
Andrea

Fangirl ending definitively !!!!!! Unfortunately it will be Sookie & Bill ...we all know that deep down :( Either he is turned into a human by some magical twist or she becomes a vampire by accident and we can keep on following their story on the vampire dairies ... But since Eric turns into Tarzan, Fangirl is not so sorry after second thought :)

boobear
boobear

a very fun read. the comments are great too! I am a Bill fan and want the ending to be with Bill and Sookie reunited and in love. Bill does something that kills all the Hep V vampires so nobody is in danger anymore. The town goes back to the sleepy little place it used to be with Sam's baby shifters born and he's happy too. Eric is saved by Pam and decides he likes Willa enough to stay with her for a few decades. Pam and Tara run Fangtasia together and it returns to it's former glory. I want the last scene to be like the very first scene....inside of the bar with Sookie happy that "her" vampire is there with her.

callonmebill
callonmebill

Aphrodite this is just to funny! The Twin Peaks one had me truly LOL! It could end "Six Feet Under" style with Sookie going off to find more sun in California in Jason's pick-up truck, he doesn't need it he has a police cruiser now, and than flashing forward 30 years to the end in the show with Sookie surrounded by a vampire or a mortal in her life. Who will it be??? Bill, Eric, Sam, Tara.....and the screen just gets grainy and the person will fade into the background and be unrecognizable to be left to our happy imagination. My other ending is that there is a one year time jump, Sam's lady has the baby but the Hep VampZ's kill her and Sam and Sookie being Godmother now becomes mother. Now with all the motherly instincts flowing dumps Alcide, sorry, and reconnects with Bill who finaly starts being honest with her and takes her on a real date to the movies. (I'm a Bill fan!) Eric meanwhile is not thinking of Sookie or mourning Nora for he has too many women in his life, Pam, Tara, new one (?) - also raising a tea cup human right now is not what he has in mind, he will look Sookie up in a decade or two and oh they will have such adventures.

Rina
Rina

I rather like the idea of Sookie escaping from an exploding helicopter. And then moving to NYC, joining the Avengers, and falling in love with Captain America. He's hot, old, and super-powered. He's perfect.

Lynnpd
Lynnpd

Great article! I too love the fan girl ending. LOL! This article is so much fun, thanks for contributing!

Wendy Jones
Wendy Jones

The vampire war happens. In the war arlene dies. She is reunited happily with Terry n the after life. And In her will unexpected by everyone she leaves her kids to Sookie along with all her money from Terrys life ins. Sookie falls back n love with bill after the war and they marry. After all alcide cant truly love her cause of erics glamour that told him he would always want to protect her but never have attraction for her again. Eric died n the icy everglades but its ok cause he is with his maker now and he visits sookie often from the spirit world when she needs extra protection or someone to lean on. Tara and pam become partners and they move far away. Tara and sookie remains pen pals. Jason survives and finds he longs to b a fairy like sookie so upon entering the fairy world he falls n love with a fairy and chooses to stay n fairy world with her and raise their fairy babies. Sam keeps his bar but starts a shapeshifter pack up that is respected and feared by all. Alcide joins it along with other weres that feels a ware pack is to ruthless so the shapeshifter packs seeks out justice for those that needs it.

Rowena
Rowena

I have no idea who will be left alive at the end of it all. I want those who remain to be left in a peaceful place ... personal happiness would be even better. Well done, Aphrodite!

nicola
nicola

Lmao i love the fangirl ending but they are all so god dam funny they should do a piss take episodes with one of these in it be great so many people would watch it

Lou
Lou

OK, these pictures are priceless! LOL I'm torn. I think I could be happy with either a big, epic, tragic ending, or just a quiet one where maybe we lost some friends along the way, but as we leave the rest they are in a good place. I do hope for an actual ending and not a cliffhanger to set up a future movie. I'm not against a movie at all, I just want the show to have a real ending regardless.

Andrea
Andrea

The story in the story is always doing the trick ! Love that ending ... my applause goes to you Robin ... If only Alan Ball was still on board, we could hope for something like this, creative and fun, to end with.

callonmebill
callonmebill

Selle I have always thought Bill getting "un-turned" in the end would be fitting; great ending.

d
d

personally I always thought Bill going up in smoke would be the appropriate ending for his skeevy self. I would love to see Eric reunited with Sookie, protecting her once again, because he was the only one to do so. But of course this will not happen, old dull as dirt compton will be the hero, because he is married to the star. Has to be that way kiddies.